Leaders emerge naturally—even without a title or position—when they pursue two objectives in their life:

1.     Solve Problems – Instead of complaining, they seek to find solutions to problems or challenges that arise. They are solution-based. The fastest way to gain leadership is to solve problems for people and teams.

2.     Serve People – Instead of being self-absorbed, they look outward and always find new ways to meet the needs of others. The most efficient way to deepen your influence is to serve others without asking anything in return.

Don’t let the simplicity of these two items fool you. Every authentic leader in history rose up because they performed these two tasks, often before they ever got a title.
Try it this week.

Tim

I was in Dallas several times this year. I love Dallas. I have many friends there, so I travel there a lot to speak, to reconnect with people and just enjoy a great city.

But I don’t like the water. It has this after-taste that makes me grimace. Fellow travelers agree with me. But it’s funny—only the folks outside of Dallas recognize it. Locals think the water tastes fine. They don’t even notice the strange flavor.

You know why don’t you? It’s what they are used to. Many grew up with it. It’s far too familiar. In fact, one Dallas resident told me he thinks the water in other places tastes weird because he’s so acquainted with Dallas water. Hmmm. Maybe we can learn something from this little reality.

With each generation that grows up, we become accustomed to new standards and lifestyles. Some change is good; others, not so much. Personally, I am only for change that leads to improvement. Too often, our changes are drifts away from what’s good and healthy. Sadly, we don’t even notice. For instance, today, very few adults (parents, teachers, coaches, youth workers) expect a seventeen year old boy to be a mature adult. After all—he’s still a kid. He plays video games, texts his friends and goes to movies and malls. Yet, this is a shift from, say, a hundred years ago. Less than a century ago, seventeen year olds led armies or worked on a farm, or in a factory. They were expected to do so. Their parents needed them to produce something and they discovered they were capable. Slowly, we bought into the idea they are not ready for this kind of responsibility. And, of course, teens are willing to buy into that idea, too. Kids love the idea of adult autonomy, but not the idea of adult responsibility. In time, the standard just sinks lower.

The New Normal Shouldn’t Be Normal

Let me suggest seven changes that have occurred over the last century that created myths we’ve become accustomed to, just like strange tasting water in Dallas:

1. Myth One: Kids are unable to make commitments.

Today, students have short attention spans and get bored easily, but teens are indeed able to make and keep commitments. Centuries ago it was normal to get married at 15.

2. Myth Two: Kids shouldn’t have to work in high school.Today, a minority of teens work outside the home. They don’t need to; mom and dad supply a nice allowance. Three or four decades ago, most of us worked a job at 16.

3. Myth Three: Kids can’t be expected to have adult conversations.Most think—they’re just kids; how can we expect them to interact with grown ups? A century ago, kids attended a one-room schoolhouse and had to interact with all ages.

4. Myth Four: Kids should have whatever they want.Fifty years ago, parents were proud to give their kids whatever they needed. Today, kids often get whatever they want. It’s the new normal. Going without is not an option. This is sad.

5. Myth Five: Kids shouldn’t take any unsafe risks. 

Society is consumed with safety. We won’t let our kids do anything without a helmet and adult supervision. But risk is part of what makes our nation great and part of all progress.

6. Myth Six: Kids can’t wait.Today, kids have short attention spans and little patience. It’s a Google reflex. But delaying gratification is part of maturing. As a kid, I grew as I waited for things I wanted.

7. Myth Seven: Kids should not be expected to produce anything.We unwittingly bought into the idea kids are only consumers, not contributors. But I’ve watched teens use their gifts and generate something—and they come alive when they do.

Do you remember the story of “The Emperor’s New Clothes”? It was the tale of a king who went out into his monarchy without any clothes on. Everyone was afraid to say he was naked—except for one guy. Just like me saying the water tastes bad in Dallas, it’s time we woke up and acknowledge the truth. We cannot simply get used to a lesser version of kids. I believe the day has come that we declare the reality of our situation:

We have done a poor job as adults, in getting this generation of kids ready for life. If they flounder, it is because we’ve focused on preparing the path for the child instead of the child for the path. I believe in this next generation. These kids are great and they’re capable of much more than we’ve expected. We have not led them well. We’ve protected them instead of preparing them for life as adults. It’s time we get them ready to lead the way into the future.

This is our aim at Growing Leaders. Will you join us?

Tim

What do you expect from your kids? from teenagers in general?

And now, on to a more uplifting topic: Several weeks ago, a mom wrote complaining that her 4-year-old daughter would not wear the clothes picked out the night before, even if she had agreed to the selection when it was made, even if she had picked them out herself! Mom said, “When we’re at home, she can wear what she wants, but if we’re going out, I pick her outfit for her. She never fails to cry and pitch a fit. I make her wear it anyway. Am I taking this too seriously?”

I replied, “No, you’re not taking this too seriously. This is the start of even bigger problems if not nipped in the bud. Tell her that her doctor says YOU are to pick out her clothes the night before. Wake her up in the morning, set a timer for 15 minutes, and leave her room. If she’s not dressed by the time the timer goes off, then ‘the doctor’ says that means she needs more sleep and has to go to bed right after supper that night. Do this like clockwork for a week and let me know how it’s going.”

One week later, mom wrote, “Thank you so much for your advice. I have used your ‘doctor’ technique with my daughter continually for about a week. She has yet to go to bed early. She tells me she just ‘loves’ whatever outfit I pick out. I even tried an outfit I had problems getting her to wear and she complained to me about it for a minute. I simply said ‘Oh, well you can wear it or go to sleep early tonight, you decide.’ It worked like a charm! No more clothing drama! Yey!”

From “Oy vey!” to “Yey!” in a week. Not bad. Another diagnosis averted. I will keep saying it and trying to prove it until I’m no longer able to say anything coherent:

Raising children is not rocket science. You simply take one part cool, calm, and collected, blend that in with one part confidence in the legitimacy of your authority, sprinkle with a sense of humor and a dash of ingenuity, and you’ve got it!

He makes it sound so simple.

1. I’m proud of you. And even if you weren’t so fantastic, I’d still be proud.
2. I believe you.
3. The way you _____ is such a perfect addition for our family. God knew just what we needed when He gave us you.
4. I know you and I haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I’m committed to working on our relationship so we both feel understood and secure.
5. I can’t believe how _____ you are. I can’t imagine the plans God has for you!
6. You know, you may not feel very _____, but God knew exactly what He was doing when He made you the way He did, and it was just how He wanted to express Himself. I love you just the way He made you. And I wouldn’t have wanted Him to do it any differently.
7. No matter how royally you mess up, I’ll always be glad you’re mine, I’ll forgive you, and I’ll love your socks off.
8. I saw how you _____. I’m so proud of you.
9. I forgive you. And I won’t bring this up again, okay?
10. I want to hang out with just you tonight. What do you want to do?
11. I remember when I _____. I felt so _____. I don’t know if that’s like what you’re going through, but it was a tough time for me.
12. I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me for _____?
13. I got you this, just because.
14. Lately I’ve really seen you grow in the area of _____, like when you _____.
15. Yes, there is food in the house.
16. I admire the way you _______. In fact, I could learn a lot from you in that area.
17. That was a really wise choice.
18. No chores today.
19. I trust you.
20. You’re really growing into a young man/woman of character. I can’t tell you how exciting that is!
21. Go ahead and sleep in tomorrow.
22. I had no idea you could do that! You impress me.
23. What do you think?
24. I canceled your appointment with the dentist.
25. I love your dad/mom so much! He/she is so _____.
26. I love being around you.
27. I’m so glad you’re home.
28. Thank you!
29. I love doing _____ with you.
30. You are one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. I am so humbled God gave me you.
31. I feel so proud when I’m with you.
32. You handled that so well.
33. I made your favorite _____.
34. I’m trusting that God will take perfect care of us. He’s always done it before! Can we pray together about this?
35. With God’s help, your dad/mom and I will never, ever get a divorce.
36. That looks great on you.
37. If I were in your shoes, I would feel so _____. Is that how you feel?
38. Would you turn your music up?
39. You are so well-disciplined in _____.
40. I sent you a big ol’ care package in the mail.
41. That was so courageous.
42. Do you feel like I’m understanding you?
43. If there were one thing you could change about me as your mom/dad, what would it be?
44. You have some real gifts in the area of _____.
45. Let’s go to Grandma’s!
46. It is so cool to watch you grow up.
47. Just wanted to let you know I’m praying for you.
48. I miss you, but I’m glad you’re having a good time!
49. You make me so happy just by being you.
50. I love you so much.

This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife’s blog for moms at all stages of life and motherhood. 

Jesus was the master of teaching truth in pictures!

Salt & light, birds & lilies, wise & foolish builders, garments & wineskins

Parables are earthly stories with heavenly meanings.

Why did Jesus use parables? Why did he teach this way?

1. Parables make truth concrete.People think in pictures. Try to describe beauty in words. Would everyone understand what you mean? Show them a picture of something beautiful and everyone would understand what you mean (even if they don’t agree). Try to describe goodness. Everyone knows a good deed when they see it.

2. Parables begin with something people understand (because its within their experience) and leads them to things they do not understand (opens their eyes to things previously unseen).

3. Parables spark and capture interest.The best way to interest people is to tell a story.

4. Parables enable and compel us to discover the truth for ourselves.Here is the story. What is the truth in it? What does it mean for you? Unless a person discover the truth for themselves they will likely forget it quickly.

5. Parables conceal the truth from those who don’t want to know it.The parable, as Jesus used it, was spoken. It was not read. Its impact was immediate. It made truth flash upon a person like lightning. So we must understand everything we can about the people, culture and life in Palestine so that the parable will strike us the way it did those who heard it for the first time.

A Parable generally speaking only had one point. A parable is not an allegory (a story which every possible detail has inner meaning). Parables usually were designed to make one clear truth stand out the moment a person heard it.

Based on The Daily Study Bible Series by William Barclay

On paper, this makes sense. It sounds great. It just doesn’t play out in life.

Think about leadership from a philosophical standpoint. People need leaders not because they are stupid. In fact, quite the opposite. It may be because all team members are brilliant that they need leaders. Historically, the primary need for leadership is to galvanize and steer. Leaders galvanize multiple minds and steer multiple gift sets into one, clear direction.

I remember being on a team several years ago. Everyone on the team was sharp; in fact, most of us had served in leadership roles in the past. We didn’t need a leader for information or inspiration. We all knew as much as our leader did. However, someone needed to step forward and furnish clarity. We needed one clear direction and we needed someone to determine how our talents best fit together. The team members didn’t lack ideas—our problem was we had too many of them. Our leader brought clarity and synthesis.

The first role a leader must embrace is to be the focal point for a season. This doesn’t mean that the cause is all about the leader. (It should never be about the leader.) It means this person must be alright being the point of focus at first to eradicate sideways energy. Someone has to help people say “no” to the many good things they could do, and “yes” to the one, best thing they could do. Even the most reserved, and quiet leaders must initially embrace this attention and prominence.

The journey doesn’t end there, however. If a person has led well, he or she arrives at a destination precisely opposite this initial role. Effective leaders eventually create momentum, then slip into the shadows. They stay out of the way of good talent and teamwork. To use a cliché, they work themselves out of a job. They eventually become unnecessary if they have done their job well. I think of Herb Brooks, the coach of the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey team. He had incredibly talented young players who desperately needed his strength and focus in the beginning. There was too much energy, and egos going too many directions. In the end, however, once the Americans had won the gold medal, he slipped into a hallway and sat on the floor. He said the moment was about the team, not him. In reality, it was about something even bigger than the team. That gold medal did something for the U.S. at the time. We defeated the invincible Soviet team. The cause was nationwide morale and hope. David had beaten Goliath. The cause should always be bigger than people.

So, leaders actually embrace two paradoxical ideas. First, they must be OK with being the prime focal point. Talent and intelligence need focus. In the end, they must embrace obscurity. They chuck their ego—and point everyone toward the bigger picture. This is a rare paradox—which makes it beautiful when it happens.

by Tim Elmore from Growing Leaders

In Deuteronomy 6:6 Moses says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.” The New Living Translation says, “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands I am giving you today.”

Moses is talking to the parents and says, this loving God with all your heart has to be in you as a parent before you can expect it to be in your children! If we want to pass our faith on to the next generation, we have to have it ourselves first. What kind of faith are we passing on?

When it comes to faith and character formation remember this -

If you want it to be in them, it needs to be in you.

Whatever you want your children to become, you should honestly strive to become as well.

Do you want them to respect others? Do you respect others?

Do you want them to admit their mistakes? Do you admit yours?

Do you want them to work hard? Do you work hard?

Do you want them to be generous? Are you generous?

Do you want them to be honest? Are you honest?

Do you want them to be involved in church? Are you involved?

Do you want them to pursue God wholeheartedly? Are you pursuing God wholeheartedly?

How you love your spouse, how you spend your money, how you respond to authority, how you communicate, how you pursue God – impacts your kids one way or another.

You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be intentional and consistent. Its ok for your kids to see you struggle, especially as you work out your faith in Jesus.

Convincing your kids that faith and character are important, and convincing them that faith and character are important to you are two different things!

If faith isn’t personal, it is easy to put it away on a shelf like your fine china or to out grow like LEGOs and Barbies. Your kids need to see that your faith in God is the priority in your life. We begin by making time with God a priority. Then we practice various spiritual disciplines – like prayer, Scripture reading and study, giving, worship, silence, and serving.

You don’t have to add more time to your schedule. You may need to stop doing some things so you can start doing what is really important.

If you are married, one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is a healthy relationship with your spouse. What are you doing to strengthen your marriage?

Not all of your spiritual growth time has to be spent alone. We can surround ourselves with people who support us and encourage us. One of the keys to great parenting is to establish a network with a consistent group of others who mutually support, encourage, and inspire one another.

What are you doing on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis to strengthen your relationship with God? With your spouse? With a group of other parents?

based on Parenting Beyond Your Capacity

How to get to a place where you’re not starting with a blank screen – from having to say something to having something to say!

Sermon prep is all the time.

God wants to give us radar so we know that God is already here (Gen 28)

John 5 – My Father is always at work.

Our job is to be tuned in to the presence of the loving God and sensitive to what  is happening in the world around us and put it in words and make sense of it.

Life – write it down, take a picture, save it, ask for it, clip it, tear it out, store it, mark it, remember it without edit button.

When something grabs your attention – capture it!

Text – memorize it, words, location, culture, concepts, stories, time, pictures, actions, connections

If I couldn’t use any biblical or religious language, how would I describe this? To a child? To a martian? Without words? Using only pictures? Using only actors?

What is the thing behind the thing? The mystery behind the mystery? Truth behind the truth?

Enact it, perform it, show it, do it, ignore it, circle around it, hand it out

Idea: walk out and put on an orange coat without any explanation until much later

Buckets – one per idea, sentence, quote, insight (file)

One idea (bucket) per week, revisit regularly (once a week), arrange series by buckets (break series into separate messages)

Marinade – intention and attention

It is better when the message has had time to work in you before it comes out of your mouth.

This was a very helpful dvd about communicating with people.

We had our monthly Family Ministry Team meeting at River Rock yesterday. It was a great time talking about the book Pop Goes the Church by Tim Stevens and watching a session from Rob Bell’s preaching conference.

Here are some of the highlights…

How do we create a “buzz” or word of mouth enthusiasm?

We must operate as missionaries in a foreign land.

Do we really care about reaching the people in our community or just the survival of our church?

Are we more concerned about keeping who we already have or reaching who is not here yet?

The reason people do not come to church is that they don’t think there is anything we are going to offer that will help them.

How do we answer the church people who don’t understand why we use pop culture? Basically, we are trying to reach people who don’t know Christ and invite them to come and see.

All truth is God’s truth, regardless of the source.

Satan wraps the truth in lies (a little truth with a lot of lies).

If you don’t offer something people need, they won’t come.

How do we use pop culture without communicating that we endorse it?

Here is what the world says… Here is what God says…

The world we live in says…

A lot of voices say…

Culture says…

Present the world’s view, God’s view, and ask, ” what is your view?”

Do we speak their language? (talk about something that is familiar to them)

Paul used secular songs and writings.

We should bounce ideas off each other about how we will or will not use pop culture as a checks and balance system to see if the idea is inappropriate.

What we say should be determined by the needs of the people to whom we are speaking. (Ephesians 4:29)

Teaching on a topic that meets the needs of people is not only biblical, it is following the example of Jesus.

6 ways to create buzz – the unusual, outrageous, taboo, hilarious, remarkable, secretive

5 Ways To Use Pop Culture

1. use it to raise questions - use culture to connect to people

2. use it as themes/topics - without a relevant topic people will feel like you’re talking at them, not to them

3. to get people to laugh – lower defenses

4. to teach Bible stories – in a way they will remember

5. look for ways to redeem culture – interpreting it for people, infusing it with new meaning.

This is  a great book that reminds us of the importance of connecting with people who don’t know Jesus yet.